Sunday, April 8, 2012

Face of Stone

My face hurts. It's so full of tension right now that it feels like I've been grinning like the Green Goblin for hours, while simultaneously grinding my teeth. What the heck do I do? A face self-massage is pretty ineffective. (I tried. Doesn't work on myself. )

Still have that twilight zone feeling and I have staggered around all day like I'm absolutely sloshed. Nope, not a drop of alcohol or any meds. Not like I do that stuff anyway.

So I went to Sonic and got some sugar. Popcorn chicken, a cherry coke, and a Reese's Blast. I know, that's all bad, but I'm hoping to maybe psyche myself out of the impending doom. Watch Once Upon A Time for distraction, and at least not think about anything else for a while.

Hey, it's the best I can do, distraction-wise. I don't have any other options. I know what's about to happen, and it's not good.

...
1:20 am...

I don't feel better. And my face still aches. But I distracted myself for a few hours when I got home. It is what it is, and if I totally wig out tomorrow I'll know why. But nobody else will, because I didn't post this on Facebook. Nobody comes looking to read my blog if I don't do that. Lol

I lied a lot today at my sister's house. I said that I didn't want to talk about what was wrong. I said nothing was wrong. Actually, I need to talk but there isn't anyone I can talk to. It's too much of a burden to listen to me anyway. I've been told that for years, so a token offer to "talk" wasn't sufficient.

There's a whole lot wrong. But nothing that can be done about it.

I lied when I told my brother I was looking at my purple toes in my flip flops. They were purple and ice cold, but I just couldn't hold my head up. It was too much effort to hold it up.

Driving home was just as much an adventure as the drive out there. I almost ran off the road a couple of times because I was so disoriented.

Of course I don't take drugs (unlike some I know of who view them as entertainment and others who can't get through the day without a handful of pills.). Why would I do that when the world is already skewed off kilter for me?

Hoping I wake up "normal" tomorrow and nobody else can see that it's all become surreal for me. Matrix indeed.

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