Sunday, May 6, 2012

Running guilt

I was thinking about how strange it is for me to want to run after it gets dark. Am I hiding or just enjoying the beauty of the night with the glare of the sun out of the picture? Always been a night owl.

I have been lazy the last few months. After my first 5k I got sick and found every excuse not to exercise. Truly, though, depression messes with me and makes my sleep cycles go awry. I sleep all afternoon and evening after work and then it's too late to do anything. I'm not a morning person, though an hour ago I set my alarm for 5:30 hoping I'll get my lazy butt up and go for a light run. Argh, where is the motivation I need to change my life? I want to do this, but I'm clueless about how to do it right.

At the end is last June I started exercising at the gym three hours a day. I'm not kidding. I was exhausted and the sheer amount of calories I was burning should have lost many pounds at my weight.

But nothing happened. I lost and regained the same three pounds for six freaking months while I killed myself daily. I'll be the first to admit I'm clueless another a proper training and weight loss program, though my endocrinologist said I should have lost something with that much activity. It finally took phentermine, but that stopped working a few months ago. I I am down 25 pounds from my starting weight, and that's still about 4" pounds from where I'd like to be. If I get close to my goal, I'll say how much I actually weighed to start. Ick. I really don't look that big, but I am heavy and I feel like it. I'd rather feel light, lean and fit. That's a way off, but I'm still shocked when I put on last summer's shorts and they hang off me.

On the other hand, I got in the scale yesterday, and it showed that I've gained one pound back. Oh heck NO!

As I was planning this post in my head about half an hour ago, castigating myself for not taking an old friend up on his offer to run with me, he offered again. Wow. That was great timing. Lol. He is undoubtedly going to hold my feet to the fire so I'd better get my tail back in gear.

(She reminds herself that it's good for her and she wanted motivation, after all. LOL.!)

Exercise does help fight depression (I've known that for years now) and I know that my depression got much worse when I stopped exercising. I also remember feeling sort of superhuman and even a little taller each day when I came home from exercising.

I subscribed to Runner's World a few months ago to answer some of my beginner's questions. So I suppose it's time to add practice to my studying. Stop procrastinating. Get my training going before I have blistering heat as a lame excuse as well.

A friend ran a 5 k Friday night. And another 5k Saturday morning. She has been training.... If she can do it, I'm pretty sure I can. And I did say I wanted to cut 2 minutes off my time by midsummer, after all. (That's not a difficult goal -- my time on the first 5k was 45:12. Yeah. Shut up. :P My goal was to SURVIVE!!!)

Hey, if anybody else wants to comment some encouragement, I'm all ears. What do I do here, set myself up with some goals and rewards?

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