Monday, July 23, 2012

Solitude of Midnight

There's nothing like being awake after midnight to make you feel lonely, especially after you've already spent several days by yourself.

Nothing to watch on TV, nowhere to go, and nobody to talk to.

It certainly intensifies any small pains into huge ones. Right now it's my stomach, but I don't have an upset stomach or anything. No cramps, just that sharp sensation like there is a knife in my belly that keeps being twisted.

I can't even get a cuddle from my dog, who has already eaten all of his treats. Jerk.

I have just a few days of my break left and I'm miserable, thinking about someone I'm very interested in but I can't be sure if he is interested in me. I want to not worry about it. But there is really no way to stop that.

It would help if there was anyone I could talk to about this, but I'd just sound really foolish if I said anything. This is the best I can do. I seriously doubt anybody wants to listen to my drivel.

I'm still very disappointed by my chronic shin splints. I've gotten to the point where I can only run once every four days -- it takes that long for the pain to subside. At this rate, I'll never be able to make good time in any race. Probably not even better than my first race.

I see other people training and flying through the same program with great success and it makes me feel really pathetic. Positive motivation just doesn't exist while I do everything alone.

But hey, I should be used to it, right? After all, I've got something quite unique. 20 years of practice at doing everything alone.

I don't think it's a wonderfully freeing feeling. It's more like a prison cell.

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