Monday, August 13, 2012

All Tied Up

I wish right now there was a man here to answer the door the next time my next door neighbor's creepy tenant comes banging on my door wanting something.

I would like for him to go to the door looking all scary and say I can't come to the door because he has me tied up in the bedroom and he's still having too much fun with me like that.

Would he get the message THEN?!?!?!?! I shivering in my dark bedroom, and I'm not even sure I'm cold.

Then there's the fact that he interrupts my sleep in the afternoon. Unless I actually want to hear from that person, I don't want anyone ELSE waking me up. Cuddly fellas and family, ok. But strange creepy neighbors? Very angry, hissing cat. Better be worth my while if you wake me.

My politeness, when he forced his presence upon me, seems to have been mistaken for openly interested friendship. Now he comes over weekly wanting to use my phone. He offered me catfish. Eww. I didn't take candy from strangers as a little girl, and I sure as heck ain't gonna take strange food from strange people. Keep your roofie-catfish, man.

There's a phone next door. Why does he want mine, when he doesn't even know how to use it? I get the feeling he likes a captive audience, and making people wait around on him.

Lest you think I exaggerate, on our introduction he tried to hit me up for cigarette money and to mow the yard for him. Good grief, I hate mowing my own yard. His only trade for his room is to keep the yard up, yet he is trying to pawn it off on me. Bonus if I can do it scantily clad?

That reminds me. I need to go buy some more locks for my fence and my shed. Just in case he is trying to mind my business from my property. Idiot want anybody in the privacy of my backyard without a specific invitation from me.

Maybe my paranoia is working overtime, but this particular instinct of mine has never been wrong. When the warning bells start clanging, I ignore them at my own peril. I've learned it I'm never wrong about this.

That's it. I think I'm going to go get the makings for a Hurricane.