Monday, August 20, 2012

Moods and Changes

We all have our moods and different things cause them. I'm not sure what causes mine, other than maybe hormones, but I'm fully aware of what prevents them. Other people. It does me no good to be alone all the time.

Oh, the benefit of maturity, in that I have figured a few things out. Some will remain a mystery because my only source of information died after basically refusing to advise me on anything.

My mother got all pissy with me when I asked her about menopause, and said she didn't remember anything about it, not even how old she was. Why she got mad at me for asking I'll never know. I just wanted to know how much time I might have left for having children.

Maybe she was mad because I was healthy and she wasn't. Hey, I nagged and pleaded all my life for her to stop smoking and take care of herself, and as usual, what I wanted didn't matter to anyone but me.

Children? Well, it's too late now. I've given up hope there. As you do.

My fingernails are still growing and getting stronger. Maybe it's some magical hereditary thing. Maybe it's hormonal. Maybe it's the nail polish making them stronger. Who knows? Lol I'm waiting for then to break off any day now. Not that I want it to happen, because my long fingernails distract from the otherwise ugly appearance of my hardworking hands. They've been overworked and abused, and they are ugly. At least my feet aren't gross-looking. They're cute, if you have a thing for feet, though rather imperfect as well.

I've had a headache for a couple of days that won't go, and my happy mood is slipping away. I slept all last night and most of the day. I thought it would help with my head, but really, my tiredness and hyper sleeping are the harbingers of a downswing in my mood. The lack of exercise hasn't helped either, but it's a catch-22. I'm too tired to do more than sleep, and skipping exercise makes me tired and depressed. Right now I'm actually afraid to go to the gym. It's a totally irrational fear of failure. Yes, I want someone to hold my hand. Of course, exercise is good for relieving stress and depression, and I'm feeling an unhealthy level of both starting up.

How to deal with this, I don't know. Maybe I need a little sun, but I'm terrified I'll get another nasty sunburn, and I'd like to put off wrinkles for a while yet. Perhaps I'll do what my doctor suggested years ago: sit near the UV light, just not in it. Vampire style, I guess.

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