Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Worrying myself sick

Have you ever worried yourself sick? Really? Not the silly half-joked about expression, but actual physical nausea.

During my first year after college, I had trouble sleeping one night. Having neither the crutch of over-the-counter sleep aids or even an all-night drugstore to buy them from, I literally worried myself sick. As the night grew longer I worried about what would happen if the morning came and I did not get any sleep. Oh what in the world does one do when one has to teach a full day on no sleep?

I worried about it until my stomach was churning and by the time I was supposed to get up and get ready for work, I was vomiting uncontrollably. At that point, I had to call in sick. And I wound up staying in bed all day anyway, so I got caught up on my missed night of sleep.

Was I sleepless because of an incubating stomach bug? Or did I worry about the sleep I was missing so much that I irritated the nerves in my stomach? Either way I barfed a lot and missed the whole day of work. Lovely self-fulfilling prophecy there.

That's my superpower... What's yours?!?

Tonight I find myself fighting an 8 pound dog for dominance of my bed, as I worry about multiple situations. I'm sad, my back hurts, and I'm on the verge of throwing up once again.

It's ridiculous because one situation I can't control and the other situation I shouldn't try to control. I really need to stop overthinking everything and just relax. If I set aside the worry, the stress will certainly do its own thing, and maybe my nausea will go away.

I think I'll do something constructive. I think I'll make a lovely cotton washcloth that matches absolutely nothing in my house. A nice travel sized one in the colors of a Southwest sunset. I can always donate it to the next silent auction if nobody wants it.

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