Friday, September 7, 2012

Sleepwalking & Self Mutilation

I haven't slept much this week. This afternoon I managed to take a five hour nap when I came home from work, and I'm starting to feel human once again.

Because I've been having trouble sleeping, I've been using an app on my phone to monitor my sleep movements. I've had several periods that show I'm moving around a lot and awake, yet I don't remember waking up at all.

However, I wake up with a sore forehead, feeling bruised.

All day Tuesday my forehead was really tender up by my hairline, and by the end of the day I realized I had a burn mark, as I'd I had tried to curl my bangs and had gotten the curling iron too close to my face.

Now if I had burned myself while I was getting ready for work, I would definitely have noticed. According to my chart, I was awake and moving around from 4:15-4:30 that morning. I don't remember that. Yet I have the burn to show that something happened. Somebody was trying to clumsily curl my bangs... At the roots. LOL.

Well then. There's that.

It comes as no surprise to me that I have been sleepwalking. My movement charts show that there are some unusual segments of waking movement in the wee hours of the mornings, and I generally sleep through the night. However, I have been really stressed this week and I've had a lot on my mind, not all of which was work-related.

If the personal stuff would just give me some peace, it would enable me to handle the work stuff. Just goes to show you that you can work hard to remain a good person and you're still never going to have the life you want.

It's just too bad. Maybe it's simply a test of faith under pressure.

Anyway, it defies logic that the more tired a person is, the more likely they are to sleepwalk. I've been building up a sleep deficit over an entire week. No matter how tired I've been, I haven't been able to take so much as a nap all week. I've even taken melatonin at night to make me drowsy. It worked a couple of times.

But I didn't stay asleep. Not really asleep. It's that "unfinished business" thing, I suppose. If I were to die I'd probably come back as a ghost and haunt someplace. Fortunately, I haven't been able to find anything sharp in my nightly wanderings. Who knows what I'd do with a blade?

Good thing I don't get so far as driving. If I sleepwalked my way into a bar, I'd probably try to solve my problem of loneliness with my hair all messed up. I'm not sure I'd trust my own judgment asleep, considering what a lousy judge of character I've always been while awake! I always want to believe the best about men I'm interested in, but if I fall for them they usually turn out to be no damn good.

Anyway... I do take steps to ensure my nocturnal wanderings from overtiredness are limited in scope. I keep the bedroom door locked, and it is difficult to open even when it is unlocked. (My own fault. I took the knob off when painting and never got it back on right.) I should wake up when I'm struggling to open it, yes? No. Lol. I suppose it makes no impression on me whatsoever when I'm vividly dreaming that I'm awake in the daylight. At least the door to the house is deadbolted with a key. That'll slow me down. It'll slow down a burglar too. No breaking the window to reach in and turn the lock.

You ain't got no key, you ain't unlocking the door. Lol. By the time the glass breaks, I'll be nearby with my phone, talking to 911, waiting in the dark with a big knife. Go ahead and stick your hand in my house. I dare you. Hahaha. ;)

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