Thursday, November 8, 2012

How to Fail the Chocolate Test :)

I once asked a fellow to bring me a box of chocolates as a gift. Of course, it was a rather simple test of his esteem for me. He, who claimed to care so much about me (I knew better, of course) and to know me so well, failed the test.

It was really little more than an effort grade -- if he really put a serious effort into it, he'd get the points he needed to avoid being removed from my life. Kicked out of class permanently, as it were.

But he's a user. It was always about him and what he wanted, at his convenience. I wanted to see if the con he was trying to run on me about having changed and really caring about me was for real, though I suspected it was just a con game.

Call me cynical, but I used to be a believer -- that starry-eyed variety of optimist that believed all the usual fairy tales. You know the main ones: "If you're good to other people just because you should be, you will be treated well in return." "God protects good little children from harm." Yeah, I was burned by both of those, repeatedly.

I believe in karma's dark side, because I've seen it come around. I've yet to see any return on the good things, but I don't let that deter me from trying to be good to others, because I want to be able to sleep at night.

Understand that the road he was to travel was filled with thousands of stores, any of which could have yielded a decent cheap box of chocolate.

He said he would "see what he could do", as if the requested item was a rare thing to find. Then he asked if it had to be a box. I asked him if he was planning to hit a hotel vending machine. I was concerned he would show up with a bottle of cheap chocolate syrup.

Honestly, I was expecting a 99 cent box of the cheapest and nastiest chocolate covered cherries he could find. They are something of a tired joke in my family. My mother loved them, so she gave all of her kids a box for Christmas, and none of us ever really loved them. But we never told her that giving us her own favorite kind of cheap candy just didn't thrill us. You just smile and act like they're a treat.

He asked if I like chocolate covered pretzels. (Because they're HIS favorite, as it happens.). I told him I wanted chocolate, not pretzels. Then he said he might stop by a chocolate shop on the road and get me something there. You know, those cheesy places they have in every mall.

Well, he did. Lol

A tiny white bag with four pieces of candy in it. Two chocolate covered nut patties, one of which he had broken a chunk from and eaten himself. Two cream-center cherry flavored candies -- you know, the ones in a mixed box NOBODY wants to eat. One was half eaten, with tooth marks through the middle.

Ooh, how romantic!

Not really. Lol

Not being a truly materialistic person and never having been given a gift by this guy in the years I've known him, I think he could have done better.

I'm laughing. I knew he wouldn't try to impress me with this request. I was surprised he brought anything. That's the heart of a woman schooled by decades of disappointment. Cynical by experience.

His treatment of me always showed he thought me beneath such considerations as gifts or even birthday cards -- this was the first thing he ever gave me. This was not a man in a financial bind, either.

And he demanded to know what would be his reward for such a grand gesture... To his thinking, I owed him big time for a few half-eaten pieces of candy.

Really? Seriously? Is there a hidden camera filming me?

I didn't really expect him to eat a third of the gift I'd asked him to bring me.

But he did. :) Classy. Lol

Epic fail on the chocolate test.

Please go on and laugh. You have my absolute permission! This IS funny in a twisted way. It also illustrates my family's favorite saying about me regarding dating :

"You sure can pick 'em."

And they don't mean I can pick winners, either.

(My favorite fragrances at Bath and Body Works get discontinued fast. I've got the kiss of death instead of the Midas Touch. )

In case you're wondering about my chocolate preferences, I don't like nuts or cough syrup flavored cream interfering in my chocolate adoration. Pure unadulterated chocolate is what I like, and people know that about me.

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