Friday, November 16, 2012

I May Already Be Dead

I may already be dead,
and it wouldn't even matter.

I've been getting a "Sixth Sense" feeling lately with everything that has gone wrong. Some of the simplest things just do not work. It feels like there is a room I need to go into, but the doorknob won't turn for me.

You ever get that feeling? Like you aren't interacting physically with the world that is around you? It would explain a lot...

Door handles that break, a beloved pet who is suddenly having one health problem after another, nothing I do having proper effect on my own body, equipment and appliances falling apart without warning, muscular problems that simply will not heal, hair that has apparently decided not to bother turning silver completely but to start turning white now instead, online postings that vanish moments later, dehydration I can't make a dent in, though my constant edema tells a different tale...

Nothing works. If it does, I manage to break it with the slightest touch.

It wouldn't surprise me if I died in a horrific car crash tomorrow, but my inability to actually be present in the world makes me suspect I'm not really here anyway. Maybe it's Purgatory of some sort and I really am invisible, lacking a changeable corporeal form any longer. It would explain a lot of things about my body. I wonder if I could even make a lasting mark on it if I tried.

I've been clearing out my Facebook friends list lately anyway, deleting people who never condescend to speak to me in person though they see me daily, along with people who only have Facebook to flood my page with copious pictures of their kids and grand kids that they constantly brag on. Sorry, but it's like rubbing salt in the wound.

It feels like I'm just counting out the rest of my days, and it doesn't seem worthwhile to keep them going. Get busy living, or.... You know the rest.

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