Yesterday I was able to put my running shoes on without tearing up, though I know my toe isn't completely healed yet. It hurts to point it downward, still. My hips still hurt, but they actually hurt every day, and have for a few years now. But the strained (my unprofessional term) hip flexor seems better.
In other words, I'm no longer struggling to move my right leg because of the pain, and I'm not currently having a weak response to just trying to propel it forward. First it hurt, and then it was like my leg was dead. (Same leg with the femoral nerve problems, not sure if the hip and thigh problems are connected.)
Once again, fear has risen up in my face to bully me into staying home.
It's been a full two weeks since I could walk right and I really need to get back to my stunted training program. I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt myself again. I'm afraid I will have lost what ground I gained in the previous five weeks and I'll be back at absolute zero once again. I'm afraid I'm gaining weight at an accelerated pace despite a controlled diet. I'm afraid I will keep reinforcing mistakes and they will become a painful habit.
I wish I didn't have to do this alone. Let nobody fool you: it's not always as simple as "Put on your shoes and just run!" I know that some runners relish the solitude, but when you already have your fill of it, it's the last thing you want or need. It's a lonely thing to tackle with no company or advice, and there are all sorts of reasons to give up.
I've been reading a book on mind tricks to keep runners motivated when things become difficult. Hopefully, I'll find something useful... Soon.