Monday, December 3, 2012

20 Minutes of Pain

Longest amount of time I have EVER run nonstop in my life. But let's face it -- I was upset and angry, punishing myself. I weighed myself before I went to run, and after a solid week of eating very calorie controlled salads... I've gained two pounds.

Honestly, I was fighting tears the whole time I ran. It wasn't the pain I felt in my legs; it was all in my heart.

Please don't give me that garbage about gaining muscle. My body can't use a single extra pound of muscle. It needs to start shedding fat, in mass quantities.

20 minutes nonstop running, bordered by a five minute warmup and a long, painful cooldown. My pace wasn't impressive, but I was determined to keep going until I broke a leg bone or I collapsed. Really. And there I would lie on the track probably until tomorrow morning's PE class found me cold and dead.

I finally realized, once I got out of breath and started really sucking wind, that I could handle it. I was simply out of breath, and while I don't enjoy the feeling, I was still getting enough air to keep going. So I kept running, with the understanding that I would be out of breath the whole time, though I was controlling my breathing in cadence with my stride. Two in and two out seemed to work just fine, without making me panic.

I prayed for a lot of that time. Purely selfish, I was asking for help. I am absolutely powerless to make any positive changes happen in my own body, it turns out. Things that work on normal people do not work on me. When science fails, where else can you turn?

When I finished my 20 minute run, which was approaching my goal of consistent 15 minute miles, I had only gone for 1.76 miles. I was determined to begin increasing my mileage, and I decided that another quarter-mile couldn't make me any more sore than I already am, or will be. I might as well make the pain count for something. That's why my last mile was over 17 minutes. My shins were hurting and I was pushing the last mile.

No pain, no gain, as they say. It's true if you want to improve as a runner. The muscles have to tear to regrow stronger. It takes a full year to strengthen bones and connective tissues... If they don't disintegrate in the process.

I know I can expect another six months of pain. At least. *sigh*

Lord, please don't let it be for nothing. :(

No comments:

Post a Comment