Saturday, December 8, 2012

Are you HIGH, Clairee?!

50 points to Gryffindor if you recognize my post's title.

Last night I went for a run, after being at the school dance gave me hives, starting on my face. Itchy.... Oh yeah, they were itchy. Then my arms started itching too, and I decided to go before I had flashbacks to my own attendance at that dance as an awkward seventh grader. It wasn't traumatic, but it was a collection of unhappy details, not the least of which was ZERO parental support for attending it.

It would have been lovely if... Someone had been anything other than opposed to my going, had taken me shopping for a dress, (a neighborhood friend loaned me one, thankfully) had gone other than to a thrift store for my sister's dress, had done more than hit a yard sale for ugly non-matching shoes that were far too big for me. If only someone hadn't wanted to humiliate us at that dance. If only. But someone cried a false state of poverty to cover her enmity, and my mother stayed out of the picture too.

I've got to admit that I wonder at those kids attending the dance whose parents rented limousines and checked them out of school early to get their hair and nails done. Wow. :) A limo would seem a bit much to me, but hair and nails done? Nice.... :). I've had a pedicure once. Lol. That's it.

If you ever see the picture from the dance I went to, I'm trying not to cry in it -- that's why I look so strange, but my huge charity-bin glasses covered a lot anyway. They were never my choice either, supposedly because some stepbrothers decades older had rough-housed and broken their glasses back in the 60s. You know, I never broke a pair of mine. Funny, huh?

As I said, if only. If only childhood could be idyllic for all, but it often isn't.

But some had it far worse than me, and I digress.

I did 10 minute warmup walk and then did my 20 minute run at a 14'31" mile average pace, with the rest of 3.5 miles finished walking. I wasn't exactly pushing myself a that speed, but I wanted to see if speeding up just a little bit would make breathing any harder, going the distance any more difficult, or make my legs hurt any worse afterward.

I haven't noticed anything different yet, except that I was faster.

Oh, there was one thing, but it wasn't speed-related, I suspect. When my app announced that I had reached the halfway point, I started calculating how many more songs I'd listen to before I could walk again, and came up with approximately three. My latest mental game has been to tell myself to just finish the song and then I could evaluate how I felt, and whether I still wanted a walk break. My body HAS been telling me to take a sudden walk break pretty often, just so sure it's had enough. I don't even detect a mental battle -- I just suddenly break into a walk, and feel kinda whiney about running further at the same time.

Mental defeat. It's a problem for me, as I've said before.

So at the halfway point, I told myself I could check "how much further" at the end of the third song, because I had stowed my phone in my Spibelt and vowed not to check it until I was desperate. Well, ladles and jelly spoons, desperation never came. The last ten minutes of the run ended sometime just after song three started, and absolutely caught me by surprise. Sweet! :D. I cheered out loud, too. This is what I've been hoping running would feel like, except for the awareness of my shins, although they warmed up halfway through the run and almost went away.

I got rained on, a little bit. Misty rain, just enough to make my clothes and hair damp, but I welcomed it because I was tasting sweat by then. Hey, my upper lip sweats when I use a hair dryer, so that's nothing new. The rain was nice and cool. Loved it! Many thanks for that.

Picked up some supper, and by the time I got home I was feeling great. Positively healthy and glowing, and even a little bit accomplished. I wasn't worn out; and only limping a little bit. I was fighting to stay awake by my normal bedtime and didn't need Melatonin to sleep.

I had a great night's sleep, as long as you ignore the extended nightmare I had about a friend dying. I figure that was just leftover junk floating around in my brain from the past few days, and it congealed into a monster while I slept. But I fixed it. I was so upset that she had died in the dream, that she came back to life. I just wanted her not to be dead that much. It's just a dream... You can change them how you want to, as soon as you realize you are in control.

So anyway, I don't know about a runner's high, exactly. I don't feel high. (Okay, I don't have any experience with getting high, and I don't intend to, either.) What I thought was an endorphin rush back in the summer with the high heat and humidity was likely a warning sign of imminent heatstroke. Hahaha. However, I definitely felt a boost last night that hasn't yet faded away, and I know that I have to feel this way more often. It's probably endorphins. I deserve them. They're mine, ALL MINE, I tell you. It's not like I'm using them for anything else, anyway.


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