Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Miles last week: 33.86

No fooling... I really did get that many miles in last week, when you include all the exercising I did, weightlifting, strength training, walk / running, elliptical, and bicycling. It probably sounds bogus, until you take a few factors into account. I'm not cheating. Check my phone, where I record it all. Ask the people at my gym, especially the woman who works the desk at night, about my psycho workouts. She has seen me doing them. (Technically, I'm always over the time limit on the bike, but the others are empty anyway, so I'm not causing a problem)

1. I was angry about the other team's count, after I heard mention of pedometers. My competitiveness went into hyperdrive. I bought resistance bands and use them whenever I have a few spare minutes between classes, during lunch, during my planning period... Basically, whenever I think about it. (I want to get rid of my "chicken wings"... Is that so wrong? Yeah, I get a little obsessive. At least it's not over a man who mistreats me.)

2. I'm single, and I have a LOT of time on the weekends and at night to spend at the gym. I also, obviously, have NO social life. I don't date, either. (Lack of opportunity, really. Not a lot of men in my dating pool as it is. Most are married or divorced and vengeful.)

3. I'm using a reclining bike, which means no pressure on my shins. Just my quads. Biking long distances is much easier for me, even with the resistance raised. You'll notice I can't do ten miles on the elliptical or the treadmill. I fail at running distances. Plus, I'm really discouraged about running right now. I make a little progress and then my shin splints bench me. :( Oh, other than the fact I'm always so slow in a race that I want to quit before finishing my first mile. I need serious help in the mental aspect of running. I can do it on a treadmill, so why not with other people around?

Is my anxiety in crowds THAT bad? (Yes. I just never realized that races totally freak me out in that aspect. My anxiety more than triples.)

4. I remembered how easy it is to spend hours at the gym because I can watch a movie on Netflix and take my mind off my discomfort, though when I'm breathing so hard, I miss a lot of the movie dialogue. :D

5. I've lost four pounds, and they put me into the stupid mental state of overkill. (You know, "if a little is good, TONS will be awesome!"). I know it's wrong. But maybe six weeks of hard effort will start moving my sluggish metabolism. Hey, I'm not as tired as I am on a usual day without strenuous exercise preceding it. I might be onto something here. God knows, nothing else has worked.

6. I'm absolutely desperate to get this weight off, because I think it is the main cause of my recurring shin splints. When something sensible seems to be working for my weight loss, I clutch at it like a drowning man holding onto a piece of driftwood. And then i naturally overdo it. (I'm afraid it will stop working.) Besides, I suspect that with even ten pounds gone, it will become noticeably easier for me to run. Imagine what it'll be like after forty.

7. Maybe I'm just a psycho when it comes to the gym. But if I continue losing weight without injury, cardio will be the key. More than one person has told me to lose the weight before I attempt to run, and my previous efforts have all failed. So now I'm trying the sleep, eat clean, and do lots of cardio with weightlifting mixed in route.

8. My insurance company is kinda forcing me to track calories burned and pounds lost, or else they will increase my rates. I'm pretty threatened by that. More anxiety for the chubby little rat on the wheel.

9. There's a little bit of vanity involved. I'm miserable feeling like this, and ashamed of how I look. I'm hoping that with a better shape, I'll stop hating my reflection. The other things that make me who i am can't be changed, but maybe my body can, and then I, if no one else, can accept myself.

Until I break a leg. I have to crank up my metabolism or I'm in a lot of trouble with my health anyway. Diabetes will become a serious problem, instead of an occasional inconvenience.

So here's the deal: I said I have 40 pounds to lose. (It's a little more, but forty is a responsible place to start.) If those four pounds are really gone, that means I've lost ten percent of my first goal. When I get there, I'll probably have another fifteen pounds to go, still leaving me really curvy, but hopefully able to fit into a smaller size.

I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be lean and fit. I'm not going to starve myself. So, lots of exercise it is. And lots of sweat. :) It makes me sleep better at night, anyway.

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