Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Demotivated and Depressed

More demotivated than anything.

It's one of those days when I look at the photos of myself from my cruise, look in the mirror, and am very unhappy with the progress I'm making on changing my body.


I'm spending between 1 1/2 to 2 hours in the gym each time, lifting weights and doing a lot of sweaty cardio. I'm putting forth the effort, believe me.

I've been eating clean for two and a half months. That's showing no results either.

I wake up every morning drenched in sweat, no matter how cold the room is, and it's a seriously thick, icky kind of sweat.

I've yo-yoed on losing and regaining the same three pounds for four months this time.

I'm a bit frustrated and beginning to hate myself pretty passionately for something I can't change. Okay, that's depressing.

I spend a LOT of time in the bathroom because my body doesn't want to keep anything I ingest for more than a couple of hours.

I've absolutely had it with people suggesting I risk my life with gastric bypass surgery, as though I were an overeater AND morbidly obese. I'm neither. And forty pounds is not an amount you can have approved for just cutting off, unless I have it done to my breasts (again). I won't stop there, either.

Since I don't have any support in all this, how about not making "helpful" life threatening suggestions to me? I seriously doubt you're finding any real answers in two packs of cigarettes a day.

If you can't help me and you won't cheer for me, how about if you just shut the hell up?

I'm going to get in the tanning bed for some light therapy now.

1 comment:

  1. I am going to risk it, but I would like to make a suggestion. I see your posts, and hate that your are alone. I also hate that anyone would say anything to you that was NOT encouraging. You seem to be busting your ass, IMO.
    I would like to suggest a book (definitely NOT surgery!!!). It is actually a great book, for a health and exercise book anyway.
    Smart Exercise: Burning Fat, Getting Fit
    Covert Bailey (Author)
    I am a firm believer that everyone's body is not the same. Everyone burns a different type of fuel (fat, protein, carbs, etc) Therefore, everyone can't do the same type of exercise all the time, and get the same results.
    He explains a lot that might help you "shake things up a bit" and get them moving in the direction you want.
    I sincerely hope you can get off of this plateau soon, because just reading about all the work you are doing and hearing you aren't happy is heartbreaking.
    Best wishes!!