Monday, March 4, 2013

Love Never Dies

Real love never dies, no matter how much you might want it to. :). I think this applies in a variety of situations, but I've got a particular one in mind. Yeah, I've still got feelings for him, and it's probably pointless to have them but I can't kill them no matter how hard I've tried. I'm not sitting here sniffling over him, but simply musing that what I thought I'd absolved myself of is still very much alive and weighing on me.

And I can't tell him. *sigh* That's life. (I don't think he's interested, and I'm powerless to do anything about it anyway.) Once upon a time I made a very bold move and I was rebuffed for it. Embarrassment. Not quite as bad as humiliation, but pretty darn close. It took me five years to get over.

Yeah, that hurt, but only one rejection ever made me laugh, anyway.

I had a talk with the person who has, for years, dismissed all of my feelings as "puppy love." Yes, she really went there and likened my emotions to that of a kindergartner. Im not a dog either. She denied saying it. (Probably not understanding what an insult that is, she forgets it when she says it.) She also denied ever cutting me off when I was gushing about *him*, but done it she has, for twelve plus years. So I calmly asked that she please not ever be dismissive about my feelings again. Let's not discuss my life at all, if I'm regarded as a simpleminded idiot. I could always refuse to listen to her, and be cutting, cold, and downright cruel. I don't put it all out there for the world to see, spray painted on a water tower, as you do. (If you're a redneck. Lol)

Just because I haven't had a very "active" dating life, just because I haven't been married and divorced, just because my love has never been returned (it never has, and I know that), it doesn't mean i don't have real, human, adult feelings. I don't think you have to be promiscuous to understand love, and to know that what you feel is love. (Do I have to quote Forrest Gump here? Or is that a tad flippant?)

On the contrary, I think that confusing sex for love is a real problem. Think about Don Juan, the supposed "great lover". Promiscuous as the day is long, and dragged into Hell for his "love 'em and leave 'em" attitude. Sex isn't love. They aren't interchangeable, though I realize they might be sharing a bed in the best of circumstances. Sex isn't required if you love someone, though I suppose it could be a fun thing to do with someone you love.

Perhaps I'm not the one who doesn't truly understand love. Maybe I do get it, better than a lot of people, but I'm not willing to risk catching diseases and being disappointed for the sake of a sweaty bit of wrestling. Maybe we each understand things differently, and we have to find others whose ideas mesh with our own.

I sweat at the gym plenty. It's an overrated experience, and it makes my skin itch horribly. I consider it a side effect rather than the whole show. The rest of it? Well, the jury is still out but it's close to deciding that isn't worth the effort at all.

It's been hard not having anybody to "girl talk" with, but I grew up without that bit, except for some of my friends I get to talk to infrequently. They're all married mothers, so chatting about my lack of a love life is, admittedly, not something they really want to commiserate with me about.

So I blog about it. Aren't ya glad? Lol. Nah, you should be glad I'm really NOT putting serious concerns in here. No, I'm not. :). Some things I will take to my grave.

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