Monday, May 13, 2013

If You Loved Me, You Would...

Stop.
From Hannibal, by Thomas Harris

Hannibal asked Clarice if she would ever say that to him.  He approves of her refusal to give in to such a weak mode of persuasion.  Is it always an indication of a weak person's begging?

If you loved me, you'd stop...
...ignoring me.
...treating me as if my love were some insignificant thing.
...trying to delineate things we don't have in common, because it seems so contrived and false.
...lying to me when it isn't even necessary.
...smoking and take care of your health.  (That one I tried with my mother when I was a little girl.  She wouldn't do it for me.  Actually, nobody has.... Either done that for me or admitted to loving me and being willing to quit.)

Now that my allergies are accelerating, I can't spend much time in the company of smokers.  I'm pretty sure that nobody has cared as much for me and my health as they have for their cigarettes.  My value is somewhere under ten dollars.  Maybe less.  

No, I don't think anyone will ever value me enough to make a slight change in their life.  If my mother had caved in to my pleading, she would be here today, but she's gone.  She got her way.  A person should be free, after all, to make the choices that take them away from you forever, even though they only gave you four short years and then left you, the burden, behind.  

So many ways to finish the "if you loved me," comment.  The truth is, I've grown to believe that most people are too selfish to do the smallest thing out of love for another person.  In a broader sense, I'm not absolutely sure that love is a real thing anymore.  Maybe once upon a time, in a land of fairy tales and make believe, it existed.  Maybe it just exists for other people.  Maybe it's that tiny ray of light that never reaches to the bottom of the deepest well once you've fallen too far. Maybe you've just lost your faith that anything good will ever happen.

To change the subject, I'm really enjoying Hannibal, though the last episode did make me rather nauseated with all the organs being prepped for cooking.  When Hannibal opened his office door expecting to see Will for his appointment, he looked absolutely crestfallen and lost that Will wasn't there.  Aww, so sad.  Then he went to find him.  And he discovered Will in a state of absent wakefulness.  

Why was Hannibal sad about Will's absence?  Is he fond of Will, as a friend? Is there something homoerotic to their relationship? Is the cat simply toying with the little mouse from his sense of being a superior hunter, and he was disappointed that he might not get to play with his mind after all?

Hmm...

Speaking of strange romantic overtones, his "seduction" of Alana Bloom is amusing when he presents her with the beer he made specially for her ... Two years ago! The man is certainly patient.  I did enjoy the way he asks her why they didn't have an affair.  And then OH, she brings up Will Graham, just like a girl with a crush would do. Haha! Was Hannibal feeling jilted, or was it all part of a plot to get Will deeper into his clutches?  There's some kind of manipulation going on.... I'm just not smart enough to figure it out.  

However, I was seriously crushing on him that whole conversation, thinking, I'd DEFINITELY have had an affair with him, given the chance, IF I somehow magically became elegant, classy, and intelligent enough.  

Yeah, right.  I'm not even classy enough for any of the rednecks around here.  I must have too many teeth.  

There was a scene a couple of episodes ago, when Hannibal strangled a woman.  What was unnerving about the scene was how gently he appeared to be doing it.  She's thrashing around and trying to kick her way loose, and he chokes her unconscious without really seeming to hurt her.  He probably didn't even leave bruises.  It was weirdly erotic to watch.  I swear he kissed the top of her head right before he put her down.  Obviously, he didn't intend to kill her by strangulation, given that she makes a phone call after that at some point.  

Of course, he did kill her after all.  Bad, Hannibal.  BAD.  Lol. Yeah, I'm quickly becoming a fan of Mads Mikkelsen and all of his expressions.  ;). I think I like his Hannibal better than Hopkins'.  They made him far too campy with the movie Hannibal.  He was just silly, saying things like "okey dokey" and "goody goody." He sounded like a pedophile saying those lines.  


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