Monday, June 10, 2013

Back in My "Dream" House

This was actually a different house than I've dreamed myself in before.  Yet, it was all very familiar.  

So familiar that I wonder if it might not actually be a real place I've been in before, and I've forgotten that I've really been there.  However, I knew what I would find when I opened the closet (sheets I recognized but have never owned -- they had silvery metallic leaf patterns woven into them and there were clothes I'd forgotten I had) and went into the bathroom (broken, leaking plumbing that made me wonder how much my water bill was unnecessarily run up).  

When I say it was my dream house, I don't mean that it was a house I hope to live in someday.  It's just where my mind takes me sometimes, a familiar place in the weirdness of my mental landscape.  My own home battleground, perhaps.  

It wasn't destined to be a nightmare.  I was wandering through the house, into that back bedroom that I used to sleep in, but had closed off for a long time.  The room was bright and sunny, and had large windows that wrapped around the corner of the house.  The bedding was old fashioned and white, with tiny pink floral designs.  Flowing white curtains that fluttered in the breeze from the windows.  I could even hear birds chirping outside. Not specifically girly, just breezy and bright and refreshing. Someplace anyone would want to recharge their batteries in.

I couldn't remember why I had closed off that room.  It was so roomy and peaceful and happy in there, I could not recall why I didn't want that room to be mine.  I made the conscious decision to leave the 2nd bedroom and start sleeping in the 3rd bedroom again. Then I realized that I was going to have to fix the broken plumbing and I couldn't remember who owned the house. (Me, actually.)

A friend tells me that I am transparent -- that everything I'm feeling inside bleeds right through so that anyone can see it on the outside.  I suppose this dream is similar, if I can admit that I've kept certain feelings locked away in a lovely room that I wouldn't allow myself to go into for fear of being hurt again. And I'm there again regardless, so I'm not going to close that door  again.  

Sure enough, a dark element appeared.  Two men showed up in my house, I tried to be a good host (tough for me -- I haven't had much practice), and I overheard them saying that they intended to harm me.  I sat in my room for a little while, worrying, and then I called the police.  By the time the police showed up, I'd beaten both of them bloody.  I'm not a violent person, but I think that if I were backed into a corner, I'd defend myself.

 The birds I heard chirping? I probably really heard them outside and the sound was incorporated in my dream.  I believe the broken and leaky plumbing were two separate issues.  Half of it is a longtime worry of mine, and the other half was my body trying to wake me up so I could go to the bathroom! Oh, don'tcha love symbolism?  What's with all the white?  New beginning, reawakening, innocence, purity.  That one goes on and on forever.  I could be really cynical about all of this, but I choose not to be, because I know exactly what it means.  If you know me very well, you've probably figured it out.  :). I can't help it. 

No comments:

Post a Comment