Saturday, June 1, 2013

Breaking the Curse

How do you break yourself out of the curse that you created--a trap you unwittingly laid for yourself?

"They say" that curses lose their power over you once you stop believing that they can hurt you.  Maybe this means that it's best just to turn your back and walk away from the problem that you stuck yourself with in a weak moment, years ago.  

Yeah, it seemed like a good idea at the time, fun even, but your got yourself stuck in a disappointment that will not leave you alone so that you can take some steps forward in your life.

I'm not someone who enjoys getting involved in a fight, loud or quiet.  I don't enjoy arguing, and I don't particularly want to continue an argument where the other party gets to say every horrible thing that is on their mind, then go all old school -- well, elementary school -- on you and basically stick their fingers in their ears and start repeating, "I'm not listening to you!" when your turn comes to speak your mind.  

Sometimes it's 95% bullying nature that makes them behave in such a disrespectful way, but it is, without a doubt, a sign of 100% immaturity to refuse the opposition the opportunity of simple self-defense.

Because you can't engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person, most of the time, I just tune them out.  I'm sure they believe that my silence is a sign of capitulation and their win, but I'm really just disengaging myself completely.  Getting distance between us.  I never enjoyed shouting matches, and pleading for another person to consider your feelings isn't worth doing after they've shown you that they do not consider you worthy of emotional Importance. Once they see you as their underling, I don't think it's possible to change their view of you.

Sometimes that distance is measured in days.  The actual time I give them varies according to my need for peace, but at times I've given a person years away from me to become a person whose presence I can tolerate again.  I'm simply hoping that if I ever encounter them again, that they have grown enough as a person to stop being such a user.  I know I can't change anyone else, so if I can't stand their presence, I respectfully provide them with my absence.

Especially when they won't listen as you tell them to leave you alone, because you've been requesting just that for so many years while they've been pestering you.

Hey, maybe I'm the problem anyway.  

If I'm the cause of their being a self-serving ass whenever I'm around, I think it's probably a public service that I stop antagonizing them with my presence, so that they can become a better person in the presence of everyone else they know.  Maybe I'm the thorn in the lion's paw.  

Then again, maybe I'm the meek little mouse that simply pulls the thorn out and goes on my solitary way.  You know, if I were the lion, I'd do surgery on my own paw and remove the freaking thorn by myself.  Been there, done that, and the scars are very small.

Again, though, my absence doesn't mean that I am doing anything wrong.  It just means that I'm tired of putting up with their crap, and I'm conserving my energy by simply walking away for good.  My silence doesn't necessarily mean that I fear them either.  Sometimes I'm quietly contemplating just what a *fool they really are. 
* Insert expletive of your choice here.  I do.

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