Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Red Whine & Kale

I baked some kale chips tonight. They were pretty good, but they have a bitter aftertaste that was offset nicely by some Barefoot sweet red wine.  I don't know much about wine, but I know what I like.  I know what red wine does to me and more importantly, that it doesn't let me sleep well.  I suppose that would be handy for a romantic evening.    (I don't usually drink, but tonight, it was warranted.)

The point is that I ate an entire bunch of kale, which is full of really good stuff, including iron, that I just don't get from my typical food choices.  And my dog loved the kale.  Go figure.  He'll try just about anything that Mommy is eating.  He would have loved the seafood ravioli that I had for dinner, but it wasn't worth the $18 a serving I paid for it and there was only enough for one meal.  Just goes to show you that if you add the word "lobster" to the description, you can get away with doubling the price on mediocre food.

I suspect it was frozen, which is really lame because even *I* have a pasta press with a ravioli attachment. I really think I could make better.  Call me silly, but I bought it when I had hopes of someone to cook for a few years back. I'll be the first one to tell you that freshly made spaghetti noodles are a world apart from the dried stuff you buy in a store.   

Yes, I'm still on the juice fast, but once a week I do eat a normal meal and then regret it because it wasn't that good.  I had a very soupy "taco salad" on Father's Day that I regret.  

The past week, coincidentally the week I started back in the gym, I've gained a couple of pounds which I am VERY displeased about.  I think it's because of my weightlifting.  I also think I have a bizarre ability to pack on muscle weight without ever burning off fat in the process.  I just get heavier and I never can see a positive change when I look in the mirror.  (Don't tell me to see a doctor.  I saw two and they just threw Phentermine at me, which no longer works on me, except for the jittery amphetamine quality.)

Go back to the gym, start rapidly gain weight, develop sudden fear of the gym.  I know I wanted to have some muscle definition, but I think I'd better drop the weights and go heavy on the cardio instead.  Oh, just for a little while.  Maybe three years or so, since I've already spent that much time at the gym with nightmarish results.  It feels like everyone looks at me with that scornful thought, "For someone who spends so much time working out, you still look just awful."  

I think that my next move will have to be an hour of cardio daily, and only 3 days a week of easy weight training.  Strictly limited to three days, come hell or high water, and too bad if I fail to get some exercises in.  

I've been feeling really down lately.  I kill myself dieting and exercising properly, and get the opposite result from what I wanted.  Exercising makes me hurt slightly less than I do just sitting around the house by myself.  I feel lost and lonely, and I'm wasting a lot of valuable summer vacation days being by myself.  

Insomnia is rearing its ugly head again.  

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