Monday, July 8, 2013


I'm not sure what has got my insides all twisted up, but all afternoon and evening I've been so full of anxiety that I'm shaking.  It started with a feeling close to really crushing sadness and now I'm flat out scared... Of phantoms, it seems. 

I think it's because I'm volunteering at a tech conference event tomorrow, a 5k race, and I could probably run in it if I wanted to, but I fear that my limp will set in fast and I'll just look pathetic and handicapped.  

There's also the possibility of a crowd of people I'll have to be involved with, and for some reason that's always frightened me.  Maybe I was a bad person who was stoned to death by a crowd in a previous life and this life is the punishment for that one...

Well, call me silly, but I have a gut feeling it's true.

I've got the worst case of anxiety butterflies twisting my stomach in knots, though that could be blamed on the few bites of steak I had at dinner.  Digesting red meat has been causing me pain for years, though according to the doctors, I'm just imagining that.  

I'd love for them to experience some of my imagination so they'd be kinder to their patients.  Yeah, imagine *this*.

Fear of being alone in a crowd is keeping me shaking and awake. This is just crazy.

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