Wednesday, August 28, 2013

So Much for Plans

I had just subscribed to Clean Eating Magazine, and I was halfway through my subscription to Oxygen.  August has come and nearly gone without the new issues of either.  A little bit of investigating on Facebook, of all places, told me that the publisher has declared bankruptcy and I might just be out my fifty bucks.  

So I've contacted Zinio, since I had non-print subscriptions, and I've told them I want a refund for my remaining unfulfilled issues.  They probably won't give it, and I'll have to cry to my credit card company.  So be it.  I used my MasterCard, so they'll lose their bragging rights if they don't do the right thing.  

I really wanted those magazines though.  I haven't found any others that fit the particular bill that they do.  

Really, I'm beginning to see that I might be the kiss of death.  If I like a TV show or a magazine, it goes bye bye!  I hope I haven't killed Hannibal with my enjoyment of the show.  

Now there is also Clark Datchler of Johnny Hates Jazz, my favorite singer, dealing with internal bleeding from a stomach tumor, just after the release of their first album in twenty-something years!  I worry about him.  I'm not claiming that we are pals or anything, but I've exchanged pleasantries with him over Twitter on a couple of occasions, and he's a really kind and polite fellow. I hope he's healing well.  It would be absolutely horrible for such a beautifully put together album such as Magnetized to be a swan song.  

What do you mean, you haven't heard it yet??  Go check it out! It's an awesome album!  I'm sure that Lighthouse is the song he was telling me about a couple of years ago when I was completely anti-love song.  I love it.  

I'm still anti-love song.  Been hurt too badly, too many times, to the result of pretty much not believing that love is for real.  I wouldn't mind being proved wrong, but after this many years, and this many "friends" treating me like a doormat, it might take a miracle to make me a believer.

After all. I have no personal proof. 

So my plans for fitness and healthy eating will have to rely on two issues of Clean Eating, the issues of Oxygen that I did manage to collect, and more juicing.  I relied on manufactured smoothies for the last week, and I feel absolutely exhausted without my homemade juices now.  I don't think the smoothies have the nutrition packed into them that one of my mean greens does.  I've been craving my homemade juices for the las couple of days, and those smoothes jus don't quite satisfy.  

How is my hip healing now with the second cortisone shot?  It hurts worse today than before the shot, and I'm limping again, so maybe the second shot wasn't where I needed it.  It was an experiment after all, and more fodder for discussion for my next visit with my orthopedic surgeon.  

I would like for it to become cool fall weather NOW, so that i can run without an asthma or anxiety attack, and I'd love to have a safe and pretty place to run in the evenings.  Running in the dark is what I'd feel comfortable with, yet I wouldn't feel at all safe.  If wishes were fishes, I'd open a seafood restaurant and not have the constant worry of whether this old maid will be able to take care of herself financially when she retires.  

Maybe I should try running on the cross country trail again.  Nowadays it is a low-mown strip through our school grounds, so maybe it wouldn't trip me... I do have the tendency to drag my feet.  I suppose if I fall onto the grass, it will injure me less with abrasions than a full out face plant on the sidewalk.

Sometimes I feel like my hometown has gotten too small for me.  I know there's a bigger and better world out there, though I've not yet been allowed to dip my toes into it.  I just don't have the guts to go it alone in a new place.  Again.  

Before you even think that, I have moved away more than once, and I came back for a good job in my own school system, that is currently chomping at the top spots in academic achievement, in competition with large urban districts across the state, that have much more comfortable socioeconomic status than most of our local families.  

We have risen to the top in many categories despite the lack of wealth, and I'm still ever-fearful that I will lose my job because of some idiot state bureaucrat with his hand perpetually in the till.  Personally, after working this hard in my life and giving up so much, I don't want to have to sweat over whether or not I'll be able to afford dog food for my meals in my dotage.  So much for working hard and planning, eh?

So I'm following James Dean's credo to enjoy my life as much as I can now because worrying about the future and sound planning don't count for anything.  It wouldn't be so bad if I had a husband on even financial footing with me -- we wouldn't live high on the proverbial hog but we would make it okay.  

At least this old maid doesn't have to worry about saving for college for my children.  However, I might need to spend all of my savings on a second career degree after I retire from teaching, so that the second half of my life isn't spent broke.


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