Monday, September 23, 2013

Table For One

Today I had my third cortisone shot -- back into the trochanteric (hip) bursa this time.  Last time the shot didn't do much, but it was hopefully to hit my femoral nerve, though with variations of the human pelvis, it was a trial and error process.  Apparently, with no imaging to guide him, he simply missed the nerve.  I don't blame him -- it was worth a shot.  *ahem*. :). 

If these shots don't start helping in the next couple of rounds, he will send me to the "pain blocker guys" who have imaging equipment to use, a big bill to send, and possibly resulting in a dead leg for me forever.  

I'd rather not completely lose the sensation in my leg.  It's been pretty miserable having it already so numb all these years.

A couple of funny things happened during my visit.  He twisted my leg around, then he started doing some deep finger-poking into my hip.  I didn't realize I was supposed to react when it hurt. I thought he was feeling around for inflammation or something.  Oops.  I'm used to not reacting to most pain, so I just took it in stride until he asked me if that had hurt.  (After all, when I hurt, nobody but me cares, and there's nothing I can do most of the time.) Well, yes, yes it had hurt.   Lol right th.....oh!  

So given that shot number one helped much more than shot number two, he's going to stick with bursal injections for a couple of months to bring the pain down to a more tolerable level.  No pain would be great, but less pain is better than nothing.  Well. You know what I mean.

The second funny thing was that as he brought in the cart with all the stuff for my injection, my doctor said he would be the flight attendant for the day. He said that he used to jokingly say "coffee, tea, or me?" until the day an 80 year old woman said "I'll take you!" And then pinched his butt.  Lol.  He was wearing his wedding ring this time, so sorry, no hope there.  But I appreciated that they made me laugh before giving me a very painful shot.  :)

Afterward, I went shopping.  I asked both of my siblings if they wanted to meet me there for dinner, but it was too long of a drive and they were both too tired.  My sister had her boyfriend she wanted to spend her time with.  I miss my sister.  She lives next door.  And it doesn't help.

I did manage to find a couple of pairs of Smartwool socks for running, though the salesgirl a few weeks ago told me they didn't sell those.  Truth was, she just didn't know her stock.  Actually, though you would expect wool socks to make for sweaty feet, they just provide me with some nice cushioning and they're pretty cool.  Besides, my running shoes have mesh tops that breathe too well in the wintertime, and just perfectly the rest of the year.  

Plus, these socks are awesomely bright. :). Colors make me happeeeeee!  

Not much else does anymore.  My heart is still broken.  I wonder how many years it'll be before I have the courage, if I ever do, to let anyone get close to me again.  Seems like all they ever want to do is hurt me.

I conquered one of my phobias and ate all alone at Olive Garden tonight.  I had to play some mind games to do it, mainly nagging myself that I wanted some Zuppa Toscana and it would be a while before I make it at home.  My waiter was very nice and seated me in the small two-top area, otherwise known as the you-are-alone-because-you-are-a-loser section.  Still, he was nice and worked really well for his tip.  :). Aw, you don't think I believe he was concerned about me, do you?   

Who even notices?  Am I even still here?

It wasn't a very entertaining dinner, and I had a very difficult time making eye contact with anybody I encountered.  It was just really, really lonely sitting there eating by myself, with no one to talk to, alone in my tiny section of the restaurant. 

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