Friday, September 20, 2013

Foulness of Friendship

A while back I invited a longtime friend to go to the Adam Ant concert in Nashville. Okay, he was a love interest.  Was. At that point I had relegated him back to bland friendship again.  I had waited 30 years for Adam Ant to perform somewhere within reasonable distance, and silly me thought a friend might be willing to go with me.  After all, they had invited me to go places I wasn't exactly jazzed about going to, and I did because they requested it.

Well, except for that one invite to play cards at a neighbor's house, and I just had a weird vibe about being uncomfortable in a stranger's home.  Since childhood, that's been an invitation for terrible things that happened to me. I tend to stick to places I know, for safety.  

His reason for refusing to go with me that was that he was not a fan of Adam Ant.  Not long before that, I had been told upon inviting someone to a coffee shop, that they didn't drink coffee.  So I explained that there were other things at the shop than coffee, but they vetoed possibilities anyway.  

Ladies, let this be a warning sign for you. If a man makes some stupid broad statement that he doesn't like an entire class of things, he's just too chicken to say he doesn't want to be with you. I know, all they have to do is say "I'm not interested in you", but many of them lack the gumption to tell the truth.  Perhaps it's in the spirit of not burning all their bridges. As if they get all the say-so about coming back to the good woman who loved them with all their faults when they've blown it elsewhere.  Backtrack to that proverbial bridge and you'll find it's already gone, because you destroyed it when you hurt her with your careless disregard.  

Fellas, man up and either tell the real truth behind it all, or be that truly considerate friend who does something that doesn't really thrill you just for the sake of your friendship. It's a lot better than completely losing the respect of other people because you're a coward.  

Yes, other people will eventually find out what you did, because some actions are as lame as a breakup on a post-it note.   

I'm not sure if he was bothered by the fact that I was willing to pay for a $25 concert ticket for him, or if I had simply exceeded my utility in his eyes.  Unfortunately, I did find that he wasn't really a gentleman after all, and all of his statements to the contrary were mere posturing.  He's had 100 days since then to make what he did right and he hasn't bothered.  So I know where I stand, but I also know what kind of person he really is.

Heck, part of me suspects that it's payback for telling him that it was A Flock of Seagulls who performed "Wishing (If I Had a Photograph of You)" that time when we were in his car.  I was right, he was wrong, and it really didn't matter to me, but I did work in a music store for a while and he got all flustered about being wrong.  i got the silent treatment a good part of that evening.  Maybe it was a big deal to him, but I'm not going to get a favorite song of mine wrong.  Geez. 

There's something to be said for eyes so harshly opened.  I almost wish I didn't know, because the knowledge has stolen a lot of happiness from my life.  It could've been worse, I suppose. I could've been married to him, and then I'd be deeply sorry to learn the truth.  Still, this is a heartbreak and disillusionment that I don't think I'll ever recover from.  It still hurts now as much as it did in June when the truth become apparent. 

None so blind as those who will not see.  Sometimes you squeeze your eyes tightly closed in the darkness for fear of what will be revealed from the shadows.  Other times you're left scarred from the memories of what hurt you in the darkness when you were brave enough to open your eyes and look.  

I did have one friend, who I've known much longer, say he would love to go to the concert with me even though he wasn't a particular fan of Adam Ant.  (Rush is more his speed.) His reasoning was that he knew I was a fan and he wanted me to be able to go.  I've done many unpleasant things over the years for the sake of my friends.  (So, I guess that puts me in my place with the one who wouldn't be giving of one evening for the sake of making a friend happy.  Well done indeed.)

We made plans to go, simply because it promised to be a very entertaining show, and I was happy that one friend would sacrifice an evening at my expense so that I could see a performance I'd waited 30 years for.  One friend.  Wow.

Then of course, I found out that I would have to work on the evening of the concert, and I couldn't get out of it. My job doesn't allow for rescheduling.  Still, he's got the Brownie points for being willing.  

I guess I've just become quite weary of forgiving others' trespasses against me.  They do those things willingly to hurt me.  Let's face it.  People are no damn good.  I don't see the point of wasting my energy continuing to forgive them for their misdeeds.  Ah, yes.  The misdeeds I knew about all along, though I never pointed the accusing finger at them.  

But I'm done with blaming myself for being their victim.  It's obviously their choice, their fault, and their nature to deliberately hurt other people.  I'm just waiting for Karma to turn back around.  I've seen it happen so many times before.  Sometimes the old gal even provides for a chuckle from the peanut gallery.  

Now translate that.

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