Then I found these Dole Strawberry Dippers.
I thought these frozen, dark chocolate-covered strawberries would taste of the gloriousness that is a fresh strawberry coated in Dolci. After you dip the strawberries in this warm, melted chocolate coating, it hardens, somehow squeezing the natural sweetness of the berry inside and intensifying the juicy goodness within. Sometimes beads of strawberry juice appear on top of the chocolate. *droooool*
I really do enjoy chocolate-covered strawberries. I think that when the coating cools, it shrinks onto the berry, squishing it slightly and making it ooze sweet juice.
Before you wonder about the value of the Dole treat, I will admit that I read the serving size before I decided to try it, with the understanding that it would force me into moderation. Each box contains six servings, individually wrapped. (Not very green there, folks.). Each serving pack contains four, count em, FOUR strawberry halves dipped in dark chocolate (67% cocoa). 60 calories per pack.
Yes, I said halves. Two whole strawberries per expensive serving. I think the box was about $4, but I bought it knowing what a ripoff it was. After all, the berries inside could have been worth the price. Maybe they were completely fabulous and delicious! Maybe they would even save the world, not to mention my battered and bruised sole... Am I right?
[Soul! I meant soul! Darn you, Siri! My sole is fine... That being said, in the darkness tonight I will mysteriously injure mine with an ill-found Lego to my heel, a fantastic happening considering that no children live in my house, and I own no Legos. That's actually pretty depressing... I should have Legos or K'Nex or even a build-your-own roller coaster kit. Because! Because... You should give me Legos for my birthday. Yeah!]
So I bought a box of 12 strawberry halves, frozen and dark chocolate coated. I waited the required 10 minutes of thawing time and bit in, thoughtfully. The chocolate was tasty. The cold strawberry inside was a disappointment. Not much strawberry flavor to speak of, unfortunately. I've allowed subsequent tastings to thaw longer, but the berries are bland. Not very sweet, and redolent of a strawberry shush from Sonic after the flavoring has been sucked out and all that remains is the ground ice.
Maybe every berry half in the box wasn't a peak season fruit. Maybe they were grown in a greenhouse, instead of the hot, Southern sun that makes our local berries so delicious. Maybe they need to thaw closer to room temperature to taste sweet because cold does dull my ability to detect nuances of sweetness. I allowed one to thaw much longer, and the softer it got, the better it was, though still a bit of a disappointment.
They weren't all that. Nice idea, though they weren't worth the price. I think I'll be better off if I buy a couple of boxes of Dolci, and when the strawberries arrive from shady parts unknown for Valentine's Day, I'll make them for my birthday.
What?? Well, it's better than the year I made red velvet birthday cupcakes and not a soul came by to see me at any time in the weeks surrounding my birthday. I was going to share them... but nobody ever came to see me. Maybe that's why I had a triglyceride count over 650 a couple of months later that almost made the technician faint. Past 650 they couldn't measure it.
Apparently I had cupcake frosting in my blood. Maybe instead of blood. Who knows? I felt fine. In the few years since I pulled it down to 310 in my last test. I don't know what it is now. Probably even lower.
So maybe... Chocolate covered strawberries for my Valentine birthday. Since I will undoubtedly be spending it alone while everyone else in the world is spending theirs with their sweethearts, as per usual, I can't really help it if you don't get to have any of my strawberries. :) I will enjoy them for days.