Sunday, February 23, 2014

Pictures From the Past

On Friday I received a box of photos from my stepmother.  Inside were pictures that dispelled my long-held belief that I was an ugly little girl.  Oh my gosh... I was cute!  I might have even had cute kids. *ouch*

Of course, that disastrous short haircut that made me look like a boy when I was in second grade did me no favors.  Oh... Those were some ugly me days. I still see myself like that in the mirror.  And my early teens, with my coke-bottle thick glasses, were fairly disheartening.  I'll probably never share those photos on Facebook, although I will put them into a photo book for family to see and laugh at.  Or maybe they'll just cringe in sympathy.  :)

I wore glasses from about age ten.  They didn't improve anything but my vision, though they corrected my misconception about trees being green blobs in the distance. How wonderful to see individual leaves moving.  Suddenly, everything was in high definition for me.  And I looked awful wearing them. I was made fun of a lot -- especially by family.

I'm still incredibly insecure about my appearance, that it overshadows my insecurity in personal relationships.

But of course such a strong prescription caused me to have headaches, and I still can't shake them.  I have one now, as a matter of fact, and have had it about five days now.  Nothing is working to cast it away.  I may need to try voodoo next.  At the moment I'm choosing to have no visual acuity and air out my corneas rather than put in my contact lenses and sharpen the pain in my head.  Let me put it this way. Beowulf is on TV.  I'm listening to it.  There's no point in watching the bright, moving blobs on the TV.  I guess my head is squeezing my eyes into pointy myopia. 

So I hate most pictures of me wearing glasses, except the one standing by the river where I'm on even footing with my older sister, and looking down at her.  Ha ha ha! I'm taller.  Not bad for an otherwise "average height" woman.  Very amusing to see my long, slender legs.  I wouldn't mind making mine look more like that now, I'll admit.  

A picture I didn't get was one with my sister and father at the Sylvania booth at the fair.  I don't know what we had been eating -- maybe a candy apple? -- but our lips were candy-apple red, with the most adorable grins and Dad with his arms around us both.  It's a really happy picture. I wish I had it.  I would be willing to borrow and scan it, if that's all I can do.  

In December, my cousin's wife passed away.  I didn't know her all that well, but I couldn't keep from crying at her visitation at the church.  Nobody else was falling apart, but me.  And then to top it off, another cousin (who has said this to me before at another visitation -- her brother's) told me my father was next.  What the hell??  I chalked it up to her grief making her a little "out of it" and saying some inappropriate things.  She also said that my dad looked just like her brother in his casket.  Please, just let that be grief talking.  It upset me, and I had to pretend it hadn't.  

At the more recent funeral, they were playing a video of photos of her and her family, and I was thinking that it might save me some hardship later to get together photos of my dad now. It was hard for me to do when my mother died, but I'm the one expected to "take care of those things".  

It's hard to get a genuine smile in a photo of my father.  He cheeses it up.  I have, however, found a few nice ones of him.   One that was in the box, I'd never seen before.  He was lying in a hammock,  relaxed and smiling.  I really like that one. :)

I would really like to have a photo scanning setup that allows me to quickly scan photos (like a sheet-fed scanner), negatives, and larger photos. Time and organization aren't my friends in that particular undertaking.  I probably need a new printer as well.  Mine is 12 years old and I haven't used it enough lately to keep it running smoothly, but it was a darn awesome printer when I first got it.  I do have a great flatbed scanner that may still be working properly, but the room it is in is just.... 

Well, my office kinda sucks.  I need to gut it and rework the desk, because the room has been slapped together over the years.  You just can't find much but cheap plastic drawers locally.  Broken record time: if I knew how to work with wood, I could build what I need and it would look classy and neat, while being as useful as I need it to be.  I need to throw things away.  I need to take everything out of the room, paint it, and then place much less back in with better-suited furnishings.  I actually shopped for office furniture, but nothing I saw was applicable for my needs. Furniture builders just don't take into account that I have a lot of peripherals in a small space. They especially forget the existence of a thing called a printer, not to mention flatbed scanners, external hard drives, and monitors. Those things have short cords, so they need to be near the computer itself.

I'm going to play my helpless female card here and admit that I don't have a clue where to start with that room and my photo tasks.

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