Thursday, March 27, 2014

Not a Good Week

Yesterday I found out that an old friend died from a heart attack, age 48.  I cried.  I got a migraine from that.  If there was no other reason in the world to avoid crying, forestalling a migraine would be mine.  

This morning I found out that my cousin died.  She recently discovered she had breast cancer, and it traveled into her lungs.  She was in the hospital for two weeks with pneumonia and lost her fight today.

I'm afraid that deaths really do come in threes and the last will be the worst of all.

Right now I'm just having trouble coping with being conscious.  My head hurts, I'm nauseated, and I'm feeling really anxious on top of feeling like I've caught a chill.  We had an extra fire drill this morning, in the cold wind, which I suspect is bringing a tornado with it later today.  My painting class was cancelled, and I'm taking my friend for her driver's license road test this afternoon.  I left my pineapple-orange juice in the bathroom at home, and the video I was showing my class kept locking up.  Students are being aggravatingly difficult today.  What else is going to happen? 

Everything is going wrong lately, and there's nothing I can do about it except keep my jacket on and hope that I can warm up at some point.  I feel like I have been emotionally beaten over the last 36 hours, and I can't do the one thing I desperately want to do, to erase it all -- get a good night's sleep.  

Please God, give me a break.  My mask is beginning to slip, and I'm not handling things well.

I need to go spend some time someplace quiet, away from my life.

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