For a while though, I've been concerned because it looks like my hair is falling out. Eek! I know I said that at some point I'm going to completely stop coloring my hair and just let it go silver, but I really need to actually HAVE some hair to accomplish this. Lol
I've noticed I have a problem with shedding, and you would think that it's my dog's hair, but nope, those are my strands all over my clothes. And all over my house. And my car. And... Well, the only shedder I know who can out shed me is my brother's German Shepherd. Maybe he feels sorry for me, and that's why he rubs so doggone much of his coat onto me.
So, my formerly thick and occasionally unmanageable brown hair is being rapidly replaced by silver hair, and dare I say it, white hair. Okay, the white is unnerving. I'm not really old enough for that, but I'm going to blame the loss of my melanin on general life and job stress.
It's why my ponytail, now that I've let my hair grow long enough for one, is not really as lush as I would like for it to be. It's why I hate short hair on myself even more than I did when I had my hair badly chopped off to make me look like a little boy so many years ago. The "reason" was that I cried when someone else brushed (yanked) my tangled hair. I dreaded it so much every morning that I became nauseated standing there. So, oh, I know you want to be a pretty little girl like your sister, but you and your tangles get on my nerves so I'll cut it as short as I can and make you look like an ugly little boy with a really bad haircut.
Yeah, that works. I know I'm supposed to just let that go, but it still hurts, remembering just how often I was told I was ugly. So short hair? Never again. I may be an 80 year old woman with thin, waist length silvery white hair, but it's my freaking hair, okay?
All right, I realize that chopping my hair off was not a deliberate act to kill my self esteem, only to speed up getting ready for school. But from a seven year old's perspective, it's life-shattering.
Actually, I think silver hair will look good on me, but this brown/silver mix isn't a good look, so for now, I'll go with the brown.
Now, the problem with the thinning hair isn't that my hair is falling out for good. It's that the brown falls out, being replaced by silver or white, and those are much finer hair than the brown. So the volume is being reduced while the number of hairs is probably consistent.
I haven't seen any bald spots -- not since that time I got a really bad perm in college and my hair broke off at scalp level. From the guy who at the time was reputed to be the best hairstylist in town, no less. He just fried my healthy, undyed hair completely.
Another thing I need to clear up... I have not been bleaching my hair blonde. Lol. No, I have no desire to be blonde. It wouldn't look good on me at all. Wrong skin tone.
I've been accused of trying to be a blonde. So here's the absolute truth:
I've been trying to remain a brunette. My hair dye is so dark that it's burgundy / purple while it's being squished through my hair and smeared onto my silver temples! And it sits... And sits.... Soaking in as much as possible. No matter how many days I wait between washings, and how cold the wash and rinse water are for my hair, how gentle I am about letting my hair air dry naturally, dye doesn't stick for long on my silver hair. It starts washing off or fading away after a couple of weeks and I'm left with very light brown hair, almost blonde, streaking through my hair that is still naturally brown. In the sunlight, I've got some gorgeous sparkly highlights.
This isn't my stylist's fault -- it's just the way my hair is. Besides, I'm due for an appointment in a couple of days, and I'm looking at nearly half an inch of silver roots, which grew there courtesy of no dye ever touching them. :). Roots are gonna show, because my hair is gonna grow. Not a big worrying point for me. Actually, it's great for a laugh when young people see my roots and kinda freak out. It freaks them out worse when I tell them it started going silver when I was sixteen.
So I'm just pretending that I still have thick, dark brown hair. It's changing now, pretty quickly. I doubt I'll make it to 50 with any brown hair of my own. And I'm okay with that. After all, my life has been a series of episodes of trying to learn what to do with my hair. It's going to be long. I'm going to wear a ponytail when I feel like it. I'll never be able to do the complicated braids and things I sighed and resigned myself to do for my daughter's hair. (Ha ha, you know how well that worked out.)
Hey, I might have great nieces someday that I could actually get to see in my life! And you know what?
They will probably all want short hair. :)