Sunday, February 8, 2015

My Migraines Come From.... Light

But God made the Light, and it was good, so what the?

Confession time: Last night I needed some food and I made a carryout order from Domino's, as sort of a last overly calorie-filled meal.  I'm thinking seriously about going back to my juicing.  I sure felt better when I did it, and it kept my weight down.  It also gave me a lot of energy, something commercial energy drinks and massive amounts of B-12 have failed to do.  Being tired all the time really sucks.  

I'll probably slowly transition into it.  This week is my birthday, and I'm possibly going to eat some restaurant food.  :)  I had students beg me to make them brownies for my big day, and while I'm rolling my eyes, I'm considering doing it. After all, their good behavior does deserve a reward.  Because I'm not a "real teacher" in their eyes, I seriously doubt any of them will think past themselves anyway.  

It's ok.  I'm used to it, and I expect it.  

I'm not sure exactly why I got a migraine yesterday. I was enjoying the heck out of a rare, beautiful warm February Saturday when I started hurting.  I think it was a combination of things: being tired, sitting badly on the couch, tech neck, sunlight through the wide open blinds, and caffeine withdrawal.  Not so much a perfect storm as a real pain in the neck which telegraphed directly to the dent in the right side of the back of my skull.  Usually it's the left side though.  

I could have taken my Imitrex earlier, but it would have ruined more of my day.  It usually takes 200 mg of Imitrex to help me, but the side effects really bother me.  I don't have problems with high blood pressure (mine is always good and my pulse is runner-slow), but Imitrex jacks my pressure up to the point where my neck feels like I'm being choked and it makes my jaws ache horribly.  Within hours my entire scalp hurts. I become really dizzy.  And then comes the nausea, which persists for several hours.

Which is worse? Imitrex or a potential stroke from a migraine that won't stop?  I try to sleep through the Imitrex, but sometimes I don't get that choice.  It's too bad I don't have ready access to a Toradol shot when this happens. A painful injection, $25 and twenty minutes later, I'm snoozing while the drug alters my hormones to kill the pain.  It almost seems worth it.  But I lose the rest of my day.  Imitrex just makes me WISH I could lose the rest of my day.

I waited to pick up my food order at Domino's until their tracker told me it was ready.  I trudged to the car in nothing but sweatshirt, sweatpants, and house slippers, looking a raggedy mess, with my head throbbing all the way to the middle of my forehead.  Thank God for the drive-through, I thought.  Some food might derail the pain.  My blood sugar was starting to drop. Not a good combination.  

I waited for fifteen minutes in the drive through for the first car to finish up and leave. Then the truck ahead of me just sort of camped out.  I suspect he placed his order for two pizzas and drinks at the window when he arrived.  

After a thirty minute wait in the drive through, I took my sorry-looking, bra-less self inside to try to get my now-cold food.  (Don't judge -- that's why they invented drive-throughs. ) I was never supposed to get out of my car in that condition.  And when I went inside, they waited several minutes before even asking if they could help me.  Then they made me wait even longer while they made the guy at the window's order.  Well, one guy did.  The other one just stood around looking useless.  

I quietly and politely told him I'd been waiting in the drive through half an hour for the order I'd placed over an hour ago, while I attempted to massage my throbbing forehead.  Oh they were so sorry, and so busy, and after nearly lecturing me about how bad off THEY were, gave me 30% off my food that was now at room temperature.

So of course, when I got home, I had almost lost my appetite due to nausea.  I took my meds and spent the next four hours fighting nausea and trying to sleep, simultaneously.  It was a thin slice of Hell. My Yorkie parked himself protectively and compassionately across my thighs in a show of sympathy.    

I finally did sleep, and then woke up.  I packed my head with ice, and melted the pack in a couple of hours, turning the insides to very warm goo instead of chilly relief. Mild fever, according to my thermometer.  Why do I get fever with a migraine? Or is it the Imitrex causing fever?  

  This is what my time in bed looked like last night.  At 2 am I had to get another ice pack just to keep from screaming.  At 5:45, my dog sensed a disturbance in the Force and demanded to be let outside, where he barked and snarled bloody murder at foes unseen by me.   I suppose my brain was trying for deep, healing sleep, but things (pain, dog, excessive heat, thirst) kept pulling me out of slumberland.  

Oh, but not before having freaky dreams about catching a friend and a family member (both married to other people) in bed together, and Joe Mangienello and Channing Tatum giving me a special birthday striptease.  Well, at least that part was entertaining.  Not really sure why they were there, but hey, I'm thankful for Nepenthe to quaff.  

At some point last night I had a memory of being in Kmart as a little girl, and remembering just how badly that place always hurt my eyes and head, and that I always became nauseated standing around in there, waiting on clothes shopping (always for someone else, not me) to be finished.  Several times I complained about the pain, and that I felt sick, but I always got in trouble because I was aggravating to be concerned with while my stepmother was enjoying her shopping.  She accused me of faking on many occasions.  

I'm sure I was whiny and annoying, but I really did feel horrible in there.  The front of that particular store was covered in windows right in front of the clothing department, and it always felt glaringly bright and hot.  I wasn't allowed to stay home alone, and I wasn't allowed to roam the store without an adult, so I was stuck in my own Hell at Kmart.  At some point I remember going to the front wall and sitting on the floor with my back to it so I couldn't see the light, then hiding my head under my folded arms until it was time to go.  I did that every time I went back, from then on.  

A couple of years later I had to get glasses, and I remember the eye doctor telling me I should wear sunglasses when I was outside.  Somehow I was actually given a pair of very dark polarized sunglasses with neon orange frames -- they were very cool looking and I loved them. But the important thing was that they darkened the world to tolerability.  

Ah, darkness... Balm for my throbbing head.  Well, that and massive amounts of ice, of course.

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