Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Blather and Stress

Lately I've been working, a bit at a time, on my closet. I figured out a way to extend the space but I still have to figure out how I'm going to store winter clothes so that they will be out of the way. I have acquired so many sweatshirts and hoodies over the past winter that I can't keep all of them out now that warmer weather has come. 

I finally accepted the fact that I need to get some more clothes, so I've been making skirts to wear to work. Some are long, some are short, and most of them had to have zippers installed. Lots of people  absolutely hate installing zippers, but I haven't had any trouble doing it. Apparently my skills are much better than I had remembered. After all, it's not like I'm clumsily stitching a Tinkerbell skirt by hand.

I'd have been more impressed if that Tinkerbell skirt had been the actual size for a human to wear than something about 3 inches tall.  More practice at hand sewing was definitely called for. However, I suppose if he can sew his own buttons on, then he'll be in fine stead for everything he needs, having absolutely no one around to help him out with such things, just as he wants it.

Hey, if you want a woman to change, treat her like trash and then see whether you actually like what you've changed her into. Don't be upset when her bite becomes too venomous for you.  It's exactly what you engineered.

I forced myself to get a full night's sleep last night by taking Zzzquil. Monday night I tossed and turned for all but two hours, and I was sweating so profusely by then that I couldn't sleep anyway.  Yes, the night sweats are still plaguing me nightly, even though my former doctor assured me 8 years ago I'm just imagining waking up feverish and sweat-soaked. 

I only remembered being awakened once, and I'm not sure I was truly awake for that conversation.  That's okay.  Afterward I slipped into thick, heavy, velvety slumber and a vivid dream that would have been Technicolor if only it hadn't been set at night.

I dreamed I was a vampire.  No surprise there, but I was hanging around with some bad influences who decided I should join in on massacreing a class of elementary school students.  I remember just calmly saying I wouldn't do it, then I created a distraction and got the children to hide in a safe place.  Logic? Oh, there was little in this dream.  I remember not being bothered that the sun was coming up, and being simply uninterested in harming children.  There went my humanity.

And then I flew away.  Not flapping my arms, silly.  Just simple levitation, by force of will and concentration.  It was easy at first, but the further away I was from the others, the harder it was to concentrate on whatever it was that would make me fly.  And then I was trying to leapfrog between the sides of two buildings, getting weaker the harder I tried.  Symbolic of lack of confidence in the waking world.  

I've been worried about the stressful attitudes toward schools lately.  The kids are stressed, the teachers are stressed, and I'm afraid a kid somewhere, sometime soon, is going to erupt into violence.  It felt eerily like a premonition, once I discounted the silliness of the vampire theme.  Hey, don't look at me as a possible perp.  Multiple times a day I run through responses to various disaster scenarios in my head.  I'm worrying more than ever.  

My disinterest in the other monsters was just my acceptance of the fact that I'm accepted by so few people in reality that I don't know anymore if I have any true friends left.  Just the one I'm pretty sure I can count on, for obvious reasons.  Hey, he made sure I'd have lunch for today and tomorrow.  :). That's pretty freaking awesome. 

Add to this my creative problems lately: I couldn't get my Cricut software to work on Chrome or Safari, so I couldn't make the shirt I wanted to wear today, after buying the design.  I also struggled for two hours to paint clouds in oil.  Well into the last hour, I finally got it (kinda), just in time to have to clean up and quit.  My painting won't be ready for the show at the college.  I really felt discouraged.  I think McCroskey would say it best:

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