Thursday, July 9, 2015

Success While Whining ... And No MIGRAINES

I was whining the other day about doing lots of weight lifting and still seeing a fat woman in the mirror.  Might have been PMS talking, but I felt down and at a time like that, all I want / need is reassurance that I will eventually see results, and encouragement that I'm already doing the right thing.  (Spare the trite phrases like "Results don't come overnight." Believe me, I've heard all the clichés already. And when they get tossed around, they reek of smart-assedness. Is that the impression you want to give, when everyone else is being kind?)

I didn't come back at the person who pushed a diet at me because when people are sure they know the answers, they really get offended if you tell them you're already doing all that they suggest, it isn't working, and you still feel and look bad. So I let it go.  My cousin (I guess one of the few who actually still claims me as family, despite the divorce that negated the link legally) posted an especially helpful remark about the toned woman who is slowly emerging from beneath the surface of an unsatisfying exterior.  I'm likely decently buff underneath my layer of fat.  But fat takes a long time to consume.  

Hint: I need encouragement that what I am already doing is going to work.  I do better with a heartfelt hug that being thrown a textbook. :) 

It takes a long time to make changes visible.  I know that if I lose weight rapidly, I'll have a tendency to put it back on rapidly, and possibly have some saggy skin to boot when I do keep it off.  I COULD lose a pound a day juicing, which would make my ego happy, but the realistic part of me says that it's better to lose a pound or two a week, and give my skin a chance to recover.  

I'm juicing again.  Yes, raw veggies and some fruits, and trying to put in a lot of water.  Plus some protein supplements and a meal a day.  I've done it before and it works.  I get a lot of nutrients I usually don't from my homemade juice.  

I understand the science behind it, and I also understand something that the diet suggesting person unwittingly doesn't have any information on.  I'm dealing with a game-changer that throws all the perfect solutions for a fit male out the window: perimenopause.  Yeah, so thanks, but my body simply won't obey because of a "healthy diet" that allows me 1000 calories a day less simply because of my gender.  I'm glad the male-centric diet works for all those males who still consume mass quantities while I'm still starving, but women's bodies are different from men's bodies, and the hormone hurricane at this age really does throw in some unquantifiable and uncontrollable variables.  

There's no one-size-fits-all diet for women.  I wish it were that simple.  You have to find the tweaks that work for you, and I've found the only one that works for me.  (Diet pills don't even work on me.  OMG I wish they did!)

When I posted my complaint, I had already lost six pounds.  But I had a couple of days over which I lost nothing, despite staying constantly hungry.  I've lost a couple more pounds now, and my boyfriend (who actually IS a personal trainer, so I've got that advantage at the gym) was right: seeing that "1" reappear on the scale reading made me very happy.  I felt like celebrating.  And I did.  I was happy for the rest of the day.  I drank more water.  I did 35 minutes on the elliptical despite not having been on it for a while.  (Badly sprained ankle and torn plantar fascia, I'm pretty sure.) 

Why no definitive diagnosis? I've simply gotten tired of doctors telling me they can't find the cause of the pain that is making me have difficulty in walking.  They won't help me, so why should I keep giving them a co-pay every time they play stupid???  Honestly, I'd have gotten appropriate treatment if I'd broken a bone badly enough for the blood to pour out and bruise me visibly, but a soft-tissue injury apparently makes them want to cry for their mommies because they can't easily come up with a surgical bill to incur.  

Broken toes? "All we can do is splint them."  -  so I splinted my own.

Broken tailbone? "We can't do anything for that but tell you it's going to hurt for the rest of your life and pinch your subcutaneous femoral nerve mercilessly" - so I stood the whole summer while it healed and had two months of excruciating sleep on my back.

Sprained ankle and cracked plantar fascia? "Well, I don't see any blood pooling, so it CAN'T be broken. It's just going to hurt for a long time." I think she meant "it's going to hurt forever and always affect your mobility because you'll never get a doctor to treat it for you."

Strained / Torn hip flexors?  "It doesn't make sense that you hurt like you say you do, so let's treat it like its bursitis about a foot away from your location.  Nothing in that area could ever possibly cause pain."

Strained glute? "Well, let's ignore that injury (likely caused by the dragging leg from the hip flexor problem) until one of your hip flexors is better..." meanwhile, three years have passed with no improvement and no treatment EVER for the injured glute, which is still painful. 

So... The elliptical didn't hurt too badly that night, unlike my last stint on the treadmill which resulted in foot fatigue so suddenly that I stumbled.  I suppose I'll have to rehabilitate myself back into running, considering that my hip flexors are having a hard time lifting my legs.  Looks like my future is forevermore fraught with constant paint from this point, and no thank you, I will not be giving in to taking pain pills for the foreseeable future.  

What I want is healing, not a morphine-based coating of whitewash over the symptoms.  Walking hurts.  Sitting hurts.  Lying down hurts.  Until I master levitation (and pool floating is irrelevant since the city greedily refused my gym the permits for building an indoor pool - the corruption is becoming OBVIOUS) I will just be in constant pain.  

I've got a vague hope that a little weight loss will lessen some of my pain. It might.  Not that I'm so heavy, but every pound counts in this situation.

So today I'm drinking a beet juice combination, and wondering how it made me suddenly need to go to the bathroom.  Lol. I did some research and found this article.

Headaches? Fatigue? Circles under the eyes?  Holy cow.  For decades now... Could it be I'm not taking good care of my liver in general, without being one of those people who drink alcohol daily?  Oh my.  Wouldn't it be funny if juicing helped me with the migraines I have multiple times a week? 

Want to know when my last migraine was??? A few days before I started juicing again.  It's been about   SIX WEEKS since my last migraine!  

My only objection is to the beets.  I don't like the taste of them. I really don't.  Lol and NOTHING really drowns out the taste of beets for me.  Necessary evil, I suppose.  Fortunately they don't provoke retching, like white beans and greens do.  Just the smell does me in.  It's a long story.  I can make myself drink the beet juice, especially if I'm distracted while I do it, like writing a blog entry.  

Point regarding manners: if you see me drinking a juice that doesn't appeal to you visually, it's not really appropriate for you to try your best to put me off my only food by saying things like "that looks like dog vomit."  Unless, of course, you think it would be kind of me to come in while you're eating your food and show you pictures of vomit? Talk about some horrible manners!  I'm putting myself through consumption of it (mostly, it tastes so much better than it looks), so why do you feel it is your right to try to ruin my meal for me? Shall I vomit for you while you're eating?

Mind your own business, please.  Yes, I'd love for all my juices to turn out gorgeously colored and looking like cotton candy.  I'd also love for all the chemically laden garbage you're eating to actually provide me some health benefits so that I could eat it too!  If you don't like the look of my breakfast, lunch, or supper, how about you not staring at me while I provide myself nutrition?  

I. Am. Not. Doing. This. For. You. 

I'm beginning to think that these people would only be happy if they knew that I was refusing to eat anything just so they wouldn't be bothered.  But I'm not going to do that. (It doesn't work on my super-efficient fat-storing metabolism.  I start gaining when I starve myself completely.  Trippy, eh?)

When someone says "Gross! What's in that?  It looks like bloody vomit!" I sometimes tell them that my beet juice combo has ground up raw HEARTS in it.  And KIDNEYS!   If they're going to try to ruin my meal, I'm going to try REALLY hard to nauseate them.  

So be polite, because you might be still thinking of my werewolf heart and kidney juice when your lunchtime comes.  What do I see when I look at it? A gloriously purplish-red drink that I'm not going to hide because you're excessively rude, with your nose in my business.  

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