Saturday, March 5, 2016

But Those Jitters....

I have my wedding to plan. A photographer to hire.  A baker to find.  And so much more.

I haven't been training for this event.  I don't know what I'm doing.  I don't even have a dress. I've got a groom and a venue.  Lol

I also have a limited budget.  I won't be a bridezilla, and I'm not having a big, fat, southern, overpriced wedding.  I'm not sure I can afford a professional photographer for such a small event, but for this, of all days, should I be spending my life savings to ensure I finally have one beautiful portrait of myself and my husband?

Oh, the joy of being an older bride and realizing that a lot of money is pointlessly wasted on megabucks weddings for younger brides.  Sure, I'd like to feel like a princess for once, but I honestly feel more like the old maid aunt, not deserving of any fuss because I "waited" so long to get married.  (Yeah, so not my choice at all.) I feel like that dusty old floral arrangement sitting on a thrift shop shelf, faded and possibly unable to be brightened up sufficiently.

I'm trying to keep my expectations low, despite the suggestions I receive to spend a fortune on a destination wedding, a designer wedding dress, and ideas for catering.  Sorry, folks, I can't afford that.  

And while I would love to have a wedding planner to handle all the details, I can't afford one of those either.  Should have been born a princess, eh?

Heck, I'm feeling awkward and presumptuous just working up the courage to ask my sister to go dress shopping with me.  I'm still having trouble at times believing someone loves me enough to want to marry me.  I'm wondering if any of my high school friends will come, after all their weddings and showers I've dutifully attended. 

There's so much of this stuff I'm capable of doing on my own it kinda annoys me.  I've been a wedding photographer.  I've decorated wedding and birthday cakes.  I've made my own clothes.  I could do all of this myself and save major money!

But I don't really want to stress myself out doing it all DIY.

I need a break.

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